I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
