everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
