Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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