time to smoke my breakfast
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
