So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
