Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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