I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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