I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
