Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
