Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
