to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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