she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
