Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
