Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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