my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
