we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
