someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
