The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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