My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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