I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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