omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
did i walk over a car last night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
