Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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