Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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