The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
