Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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