That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
