who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize