and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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