the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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