Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
