the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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