I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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