I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
