No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
