I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
