No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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