I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
