You're a womanizer and a bitch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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