Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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