if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
