yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
