yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
