I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All the doctor said was why
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize