you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
