i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
