did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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