so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
