paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
