brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
