Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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