dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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