Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
