Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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