So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
