when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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