i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
