Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
