it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
