He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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