Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
