Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
