She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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