And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
