That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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