it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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