these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
