The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
