This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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