It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
