nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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