my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
