The maid of honor just puked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have post one night stand depression
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