I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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