where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
